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Searching for My Soul
 
Book Three Understanding My Destiny
 

Q & A III.

 

"So the real reason 'why me' is no more than coincidence?"

"No more and no less. All of your decisions were foreseen so you, like all souls, were placed with those who's paths would heighten the experience gained from your decisions. It just so happened that each of the experiences which you would choose, in the order in which you would choose your experiences, coincided with this task which you now have. For example; you chose to betray a friend, and Jesus chose to be betrayed by, and forgive, a friend. Each soul must have both of these experiences, as you have had. It just so happened that it was foreseen that you would experience betraying a friend, when it was foreseen that Jesus would experience being betrayed by, and forgiving a friend. So you were put together, no more than that. Jesus, as with all teachers, was chosen for his role because his decisions were foreseen."

"Am I correct to understand that I have to experience desperately attempting to create a new environment for myself and failing, so that I will experience allowing myself to create a new environment?"

"I understand your concern. Yes you have experienced consciously and desperately attempting to create an environment and failing. You are now experiencing allowing yourself to create your new environment. Your new environment will be as you have foreseen. If you did not allow yourself to create your new environment, of what inspiration would you be to those who follow?"

"Why, when I am very close to creating my new environment do I feel a little apprehensive? I am not concerned or worried, but I am apprehensive?"

"You feel apprehensive because consciously creating a new environment is a new experience for you. Deep down you know that you have no reason to be apprehensive, but you are apprehensive. The apprehension which you feel is just another detour that you must take. Others will feel apprehensive at this point. You will show others through your example that they have no reason to be apprehensive. Even if others are apprehensive, you will show them that their apprehension will not affect the outcome. How could you show any that their apprehension will not affect the outcome, if you did not experience apprehension?"

 

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"You told me that my path would be difficult until I reached the summit, but you also told me that I would not ascend."

"Your path has been difficult. You are very close to the summit. A few more steps and you will reach the summit. I did not tell you that you would ascend the moment that you reached the summit, you assumed that you would ascend the moment that you reached the summit. I did tell you, that you and your soulmate must be at the same level of development before you could merge. It was long ago on the island. Do you remember?"

"Yes. So I now have to bring my soulmate 'up to speed', as it were?"

"You need to experience assisting your soulmate to bring herself 'up to speed', as you describe it. For your soulmate, bringing herself 'up to speed' will be easier than it was for you to bring yourself 'up to speed', because you will hold her hand throughout."

"And all must assist their soulmate to bring themselves 'up to speed'?"

"Yes, which is why you and your soulmate, Katerina, are at different levels of awareness in this lifetime. You need to experience what is required to assist your soulmate to bring herself 'up to speed', and be the example that you have chosen to be."

 

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"Will my path be easy now?"

"No, your path will be difficult, but you will handle your difficult path easily."

"So I will keep travelling a difficult road?"

"Only until you reach the summit, which is very close, but your path is very steep."

"So I am now to travel this steep path?"

"Yes, but you have been travelling the steep path since you awakened. Did you think that the chasm was flat? Your path was and is steep. You are even now jumping up a cliff, but your path is easy because I am holding you. Why do you think that you needed to place yourself in my hands before you leapt? What you now travel, is the most difficult part of the journey. Too difficult to travel alone, but easy to travel because you are in my hands."

"You said that my road would be difficult, but my circumstances would be easier."

"Yes, and placing yourself in my hands has made your circumstances easier. You assumed that it was your earth plane circumstances which were referred to, because the earth plane was your point of reference."

"Are you saying that I will spend my future on the earth plane living on the summit?"

"What do you think I meant when I said 'heaven on earth'? Why would anyone standing at the bottom of the mountain which we have created for the example, commence what you know is a difficult journey, if they could not see the 'heaven on earth', the Eden, the point where the planes meet at the top?"

 

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"Must the journey be difficult for everyone?"

"No, the journey is not difficult in itself, but most will choose to make the journey difficult, as you have done. Which is why you made the choice, to make your journey difficult."

"As I understand it, I was always going to make the choice, to make my journey difficult. My choice was foreseen."

"Yes, your choice was foreseen, but your choice was always your choice."

"I understand that it was foreseen, from the moment of my creation, that I would make the choice to be the example, which is why I was chosen to be the example."

"Yes, you will recall that existence is circular."

"Yes, but it remains difficult to come to terms with the circular existence."

"It is difficult to come to terms with the circular existence, but not for long."

"I was chosen for this role, because I chose this role. That it was my soul, instead of the next soul who chose this role, was chance based on the timing of my choices."

"Yes, do you see the circle?"

 

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"So Jesus chose to be incorrectly known as the Messiah, even though he himself said that he was not the Messiah, because seeing a master as a messiah, was something that other souls had chosen to experience?"

"Yes, but Jesus was not the first master to be seen as a messiah. Many masters where seen as messiahs, or gods as they were known in other cultures, before Jesus was seen as a messiah. The perception of masters was what gave birth to many myths and legends from what is known as ancient times."

"But if Jesus needed to experience being known as the Messiah, do not all souls have to experience being known as the Messiah?"

"Jesus did not experience being known as the Messiah. Some believed Jesus was a messiah as you will recall, but Jesus denied that he was a messiah, and therefore Jesus did not experience being known as the Messiah. Jesus did experience seeing another as a god, in another part of his existence."

"But Jesus and other masters have chosen to become masters, and have the burden of a continuing role on the earth plane."

"What burden is a continuing role on the earth plane? When a soul becomes one with itself and one with God, a soul becomes part of the circle of life. Being at any point on the circle of which you are part, is no burden."

 

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"This mountain we have used in our example is really awareness, right?"

"Yes, the mountain which I had you climb as an example, was really your awareness. You will recall the volume of awareness which has occurred since your awakening only one week and one day previously."

"Is that all?"

"That is all. The volume of that awareness demonstrates the steepness of our mountain. As I have said, you have leaped up a cliff, and you could not have done so without putting yourself in my hands."

"So the path which I have followed on my journey has not been the path to my awareness, the path which I have followed on my journey has been the path of my awareness?"

"That is correct."

"And every wrong turn, every detour, every stumble has been part of my awareness?"

"That is correct."

"I knew the path which I have followed on my journey was the path of my awareness, but I did not understand that the path which I have followed on my journey was the path of my awareness, and I was not quite aware that the path which I have followed on my journey was the path of my awareness."

"You needed to experience your path. You needed to add your experience to your knowledge, to create understanding and awareness."

 

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"Why does a part of me still want my difficulties to be over?"

"That part of you is your conscious self. You know that your difficulties will soon 'be over', as you put it, but what you mean is you want to 'reach the summit'. You know that you will soon reach the summit, but you have not yet experienced reaching the summit, so you are not truly aware of the summit."

"So I will meet my soulmate and while we are away, I will guide her to enlightenment?"

"No, assisting your soulmate to become aware will take much longer than you expect."

"But you said that my soulmate's journey would be easy. My journey was difficult, and my journey has taken twelve months."

"No, your journey was very difficult, and your journey took 12,452 years."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. You will experience guiding your soulmate to enlightenment, and your soulmate will experience being guided to enlightenment. When you have rejoined, your rejoining will be a complete experience."

"So when you said I had experienced nearly everything, you meant that between my soulmate and I, we have experienced nearly everything, and we will become aware of our respective experiences when we merge?"

"Yes, does 'they two shall become one' mean anything to you? Together you have nearly 25,000 years of experience."

 

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"So every insect, every plant, every animal, every living thing is a soul gaining experience?"

"Technically half a soul, but yes."

"There are that many souls?"

"There are that many souls on the earth plane alone, but there are many other planes."

"Can we discuss those other planes?"

"No, as I alluded to some time ago, and has already occurred and is trying to be suppressed, contact with other physical planes is imminent, and it is important that these events are not influenced. It is enough to confirm their existence."

 

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"I still do not understand why I become so apprehensive."

"You become apprehensive because you are now experiencing something which you have never before experienced during your existence. You have reached the precipice before, but previously you failed to commit to the 'leap of faith'. In that cave in the fourth century as you will recall. What you are experiencing now, you have never experienced before. You have previously experienced not succeeding. You are not aware that having reached this point, you cannot experience failure. To reach this point you have already found your way back. Have you not been welcomed back? All that you lack now is the experience of realising your homecoming, and fulfilling your destiny."

"I still do not understand why I am so apprehensive?"

"Your apprehension means nothing, the three parts of your trinity are working together, although not in unison. Regardless of how apprehensive you become, you do not worry. When something does not occur as you would like, the experience has no impact on you at all, does it?"

"No, none."

"That is because you know what will happen, and you are nearly aware of what will happen. You are not quite aware, because you have not experienced what will happen. That is all."

"So I have no reason to be apprehensive?"

"You have reason to be apprehensive, although you have no reason to be apprehensive. You are experiencing apprehension, so that you can experience the other side of the coin, in that you have no reason to be apprehensive. What will happen is, and must be a full experience."

 

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"How do I know that you are not leading me somewhere, so that I can experience being led to a dead end, or something?"

"You have already experienced being led to a dead end, so you have no need to experience being led to a dead end again. You have not only experienced being led to a dead end, but you will recall that you have also applied the awareness gained from that experience, and experienced applying that awareness. When the experience occurred, you knew that you were being led to a dead end, and you experienced knowing that you were being led to a dead end. You now know that you are not being led to a dead end. You only lack the experience that you are not being led to a dead end."

"I need to experience apprehension, endure apprehension and move beyond apprehension, because I need to be the example to others who experience apprehension, right?"

"Absolutely correct, regardless of the sarcasm."

"The sarcasm does not bother you?"

"Of course not, I understand."

 

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"If I am so close to being this God self or higher self or whatever, why am I so tired and frustrated?"

"Your higher self is not the least bit frustrated, or tired. Your higher self is not capable of frustration, or tiredness. Your spirit self finds the experience which your spirit self is gaining mildly amusing. Your conscious self however, is tired and frustrated. Your conscious self has endured a difficult time. Your conscious self has been through hell at times, and your conscious self only wants your journey to be over, so that your conscious self can rest."

"I thought that hell did not exist."

"Hell does not exist. You have at times created an environment which made it seem like you were experiencing hell, that is all. Understand that as you have climbed the mountain of awareness, your conscious self, the only part of you which can feel, has felt everything. Your conscious self has not only experienced, but your conscious self has felt every experience, pleasant and unpleasant. Climbing the mountain of awareness, has taken much more strength than you consciously knew that you possessed."

"I thought that you felt pure love?"

"No, you strive to feel pure love, I am pure love."

 

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"If I am so tired, and so drained why don't I just allow my journey to end?"

"You know that you must finish your journey. Do you remember on the island as you walked you would reach a point where you struggled to put one foot in front of the other, and all that you wanted to do, was to give up and sleep, but you knew you could not. So you continued walking, you kept on putting one foot in front of the other, until you completed your journey?"

"Yes, of course."

"That is what you are doing now, and that is why you kept on putting one foot in front of the other, until you completed your journey then. You experienced completing your journey. You experienced continuing to put one foot in front of the other when you could barely stand, so that you would have that experience to apply to your knowledge now, and be aware of what you must do."

"When will I rest?"

"When you have reached the summit."

"Will that be before I join Katerina?"

"Yes, how can you reach down from the summit, and draw Katerina to you whilst you are still climbing?"

 

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"I understand that the path to God is not a difficult road, and that the path to God is not based on endurance."

"You understand correctly, the path to God is based on experience and choice. You have chosen a difficult road, you have chosen to experience endurance. God has not asked you to endure a difficult road."

"And I chose this to be an example, right?"

"Of course, even your apparent frustration is a part of the example."

 

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"I once wondered about children's imaginary friends, are children's imaginary friends spirit guides?"

"No, children's imaginary friends are spirits but not guides. Children's imaginary friends are spirits who have not blocked their link with the child. Children are aware of the spirit world, but children have their awareness of the spirit world 'conditioned' out of them. Children forget about the spirit world. However, until a child forgets about the spirit world, a child can see and communicate with a spirit to whom they are particularly linked. When a child can see and communicate with a spirit, that child is usually told that the spirit is their imagination so often, that the child begins to believe that the spirit is their imagination, and the child, wanting approval and acceptance, chooses to stop seeing the spirit."

 

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"So every test which I have faced, and everything that became a 'test of faith', was an illusion created by me, and not a requirement of God?"

"That is correct. You were told that your 'tests of faith' were created by yourself, if you remember, many times and in many ways."

"So why do I choose to experience my so called tests of faith?"

"You have on a number of occasions in your existence experienced being unworthy. You chose to experience being unworthy, because you chose to experience punishing yourself for betraying a master. To experience being unworthy was unnecessary, other than your punishment needed to be experienced. You then needed to experience the fact that you are worthy, so you have created environments in this lifetime, and in other lifetimes to experience that you are in fact worthy."

 

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